What should you say to someone after a funeral?

Funerals can be uncomfortable and knowing what to say to the family and friends closest to the person who has died can be difficult. It's important to balance conveying your sympathies without trivialising their grief. After a funeral, the grieving family often remembers the kind words from friends. While brief and simple messages can be comforting, personal remarks about the person that died and what they meant to you are also greatly appreciated.

Good things to say after a funeral

Here are some things to say that can be helpful to the grieving family:

• “I’m sorry for your loss.”

• “My condolences.”

• "They were a lovely person, and will be missed.”

• “What a beautiful service. [Name] would have been proud.”

• “Thank you. It was a privilege to attend [Name]'s service.”

• “When you’re ready, I’m here for you.”

• “I can help with [specific task], please let me know.”

Common phrases to avoid after a funeral

There’s a fine line between expressing sympathy and making light of a sad situation. And while humour can often be a good way of managing grief, it’s usually best not to be the instigator, in case your humour is misunderstood. For example, here are some things to avoid saying:

• “Well, they had a good life.”

• “At least they died doing what they loved.”

• “At least they lived until [age].” 

• “They’re in a better place now.”

• “I know how you feel.”

• “You need to be strong.” 

• “Time heals all wounds.”

You want to recognise a bereaved person’s grief, not minimise or trivialise it. Although the person who passed may have lived a long, happy, and fulfilling life, to those left behind it may not have been long enough.

If they did in fact die doing an activity they enjoyed, it’s not a great idea to highlight that.

And even if you have suffered a similar loss, comparing your experience to some else’s is best avoided, because everyone experiences grief differently.

Tips for attending a live-streamed funeral service

• Arrive Early: Open the live-stream webpage link a few minutes before the funeral service starts to ensure you don’t miss anything and to troubleshoot any technical issues.

• Be Present: Give the service your full attention, just as you would if you were there in person. Avoid multitasking or distractions and participate where possible.

• Express Condolences: Be cautious when commenting online, as body language and tone can be lost, leading to misunderstandings. Keep comments simple and avoid emojis or GIFs. After the service, it's better to send a private message or card to the family to express your condolences, rather than posting publicly. Direct messages allow for more open and personal communication.

Grief is a difficult thing to manage, but the key to expressing your condolences is to be heartfelt, sincere, and respectful.

If you are currently experiencing grief or loss, you are welcome to participate in our community activities and events.

We understand that this can be a very overwhelming time. With time grief can become more manageable, but if the process is causing you grief, remember to seek help from a trusted person, your GP, or services like Beyond BlueExternal site or GrieflineExternal site.