How to support a grieving friend

Knowing what to say to a grieving friend can feel overwhelming. You don’t want to say the wrong thing, but silence can feel just as painful. Here are some comforting phrases that show empathy and support:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

• “I’m here for you whenever you need.”

• “I don’t have the right words, but I care deeply.”

• “Would you like to talk about them?”

• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”

• “You’re not alone. I’m just a call away.”

• “They meant so much to so many people.”

• “I’ll always remember the way they [insert memory].”

• “Their legacy lives on in so many ways.”

Avoid clichés or minimising language like:

• “They’re in a better place.”

• “At least they’re no longer suffering.”

• “At least they lived a long life.”

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

Instead, focus on validating their emotions and offering your presence.

Listen

This seems so simple but it is the most important for your friend in their grief. Let your friend express their grief freely. Let them grieve. Let them feel. They might be sad, angry, hurt, or even just want to share stories about their loved one. This is their time and you can be there in whatever capacity they need.

You don’t need perfect words. Just being there matters. Sometimes saying nothing at all is best. “I’m here” is enough and “I’m listening.”This shows you care.
 

Understand the “Comfort In, Dump Out” model

Being there for a friend when they’re grieving can be emotionally challenging. Especially if you were also close to or know the person they’ve lost. You’re dealing with your own grief while also trying to support someone you love.

It’s important to remember though at this time that there are circles around the person in grief and ways to channel and handle that emotion. The most important person is the person closest to the loss. So the support and love should all flow into them. The rings of support go out from there and although we may feel challenged, any need to release or offload should go to the circle out from us.

A Los Angeles TimesExternal site article shared the importance of this recently and explains it well here. Simply remember comfort in, and dump out. Support first, vent outwards second.
 

Check in gently and consistently

Grieving people often struggle to ask for help. A simple message like:

• “Thinking of you ❤️”

• “No need to reply - just wanted you to know I’m here.”

These small gestures remind your friend they’re not alone. Your friend may not be able to reach out to tell you they need support, so it’s much easier if you just let them know you are there.

Offer practical help without asking

Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try:

• “I’ve made you dinner, can I drop it off?”

• “I’m heading to the shops, need anything?”

• “I’ve got some free time this weekend—can I help tidy up or do laundry?”

• “Want me to pick up the kids from school this week?”

• “I can walk the dog or feed the pets if you need.”

These specific offers reduce decision fatigue and show genuine care. It can be difficult for a person in grief to know what they want or need at any one time. Knowing your friend as you do, just jumping in with clear and helpful offers can save them the mental load of working out what they need.

Dropping round a cooked meal. Asking for a day that would be good to come and clean the house. Offering to pick something up from the shops while you’re there anyway. Helping with any arrangements for family that might ease the load. Clear and simple offers can support your friend immeasurably when they may not be able to vocalise what it is they need.

Respect their grieving process

Everyone grieves differently. Be patient and flexible. Let them lead the way, and reassure them:

• “There’s no right way to grieve.”

• “I’m here whenever you need me.”

• “Take all the time you need. There’s no rush to ‘feel better.’”

Final Thoughts

Supporting a grieving friend is about showing up with empathy, patience, and practical kindness. You don’t need to fix their pain—just walk beside them through it.

If you need support and would like to gain some more understanding around grief and supporting someone in grief, visit our grief support page.