10 Ways to Cope with Your Loved One's First Anniversary of Death
Grief is a strange thing. One moment we feel we’re making progress, and then the next, we’re hit with a painful reminder of our loss. Small things like a song or a memory trip us up, and then there’s the big one—your loved one’s first anniversary of death.
For some, it creeps up on us, and we are left wondering how we’ve lived a whole year without that person in our lives. For others, it lingers in the future. A strange milestone that feels both significant and overwhelming.
It’s true that grief can have stages, but we all wander the path through them at our own pace and in our own way. Preparing for significant anniversaries can help us navigate the emotions and deep sense of loss that such dates can stir. Here are some ways you might like to mark the first anniversary of your loved one’s passing and some ways that you can care for yourself during this period.
Acknowledging Your Loved One’s First Anniversary of Death
Feel like you’d rather spend the day in bed? You’re not alone, but the evidence shows that when we acknowledge our grief and loss, it helps us to heal. Use these ideas to help you plan or even have someone on call if you need support on the day.
#1 Visit Their Final Resting Place
Set time aside on their first anniversary of death to visit their grave or resting place. Use this opportunity to talk to your loved one and express your emotions about your love for them, your life together and your feelings of loss. You might like to bring a friend or family member along for support and have a flower arrangement to leave at your loved one’s resting place. If your loved one is at our Springvale or Bunurong Cemeteries, our on-site florists within Café Vita et flores can help you.
#2 Hold a Memorial Gathering
Getting together with friends and family can help you to feel less alone on the first anniversary of death. You might like to undertake an activity like planting a tree, lighting a memorial candle, or sharing a meal. It can be a simple affair without formalities or more structured if you wish.
#3 Journal
Writing in a journal is a powerful activity for grief and loss. If you journal regularly, take the time and space to let all your feelings, emotions, and reflections pour out into your journal. Remember, this activity doesn’t need to happen on the actual anniversary date. Take it at your own pace and hit pause if it stops feeling right for you.
#4 Hike
If you enjoy the outdoors and like to move your body, why not plan a hike? Activities like hiking help us to calm our minds from the chaos of every day. Take the time to reflect on your loved one whilst you walk, or use the time to feel mindful and present in the moment. Distraction can work wonders if the intensity of your loved one’s first anniversary of death is feeling too much for you.
#5 Volunteer
Many of us feel called to remember our loved ones in a significant way. Giving back to the community in their name is a way to continue their legacy. You may like to organise a fundraiser so you can support a charity or spend time on the day giving back to the community. Find a charity that your loved one supported or received help from, or choose one that aligns with you.
#6 Hold an Afternoon Tea
It’s easier to chat with a cuppa in hand. Why not invite over a few close friends or family for an afternoon tea in your loved one’s honour? Perhaps serve a treat that your loved one enjoyed as you take the time to share stories and reflect on the year that has been.
#7 Name Something in Their Honour
It could be a park bench, perhaps a star. Naming something in your loved one’s honour is a long-lasting way to recognise their first anniversary of death. Organise the naming to be ready in preparation for the anniversary and include an unveiling or toast to your loved one into the day.
#8 Travel
Spending time in a place that was special to someone feels good. It helps evoke memories of the past and your life together. If you love to travel, you may have a destination in mind. Perhaps you’d like to visit a destination you didn’t quite make it to when your loved one was alive. There’s no pressure to plan a grand trip. Staying local can be equally special.
#9 Bring out the Photo Albums
Photos help us to preserve feelings and memories that can be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. If you’re lucky enough to have a big old photo album to trawl through, the anniversary of your loved one’s death could be a great day to do so. Many memorials include photo slideshows. Rewatching this slideshow can provide a lovely highlight of your loved one’s life.
#10 Stay in
Life and love aren’t measured in acts of grandness. They’re measured in the love you hold and the kindness that you show. If you’d rather stay in and spend time alone on your loved one’s first anniversary of death, then be kind to yourself and do so. Your love for the friend or family member who has passed away isn’t measured by what you do on their first anniversary of death (or any anniversaries in the future).
In our time helping people with their grief journeys, we’ve also seen how a death anniversary can cause a surprising amount of sadness and pain to those who otherwise felt they were prepared. Our advice, have a friend or family member on standby should you need a visit or an open ear. Sometimes just knowing someone is there, should you need them, is enough to get us through.
Where to Find Support
If you are struggling with grief or feeling intense emotion regarding the upcoming anniversary of a loved one’s death, we’re here to help. The Centre for Care & Wellbeing, located at Springvale Botanical Cemetery, is a caring and supportive space for those in any stage of the grieving process. We’ve also collected a list of support services for you for more immediate bereavement support.
At the Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust, we care for you and your loved one in life and death. For enquiries about the Centre for Care & Wellbeing or any of our services, please get in touch.
